Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Spring is Here

And so are the squirrels. Here, they're huge grey bastards who could very well take down a small deer unaided and give local students cause to fear walking alone after dark. The ones Nuclear Siafu has to deal with are smaller and faster, the switchblade-toting urban version. I know someone whose hatred of the "furry rats" has reached such a fever pitch that every plant in her yard is hosed down with a potent concoction of cayenne and habernero chile peppers.

Apparently in Britain the problem is worse. According to the Daily Mail,(1) a continuing battle royale rages between the southern grey squirrels and their red cousins in the north, a battle so severe that humans have taken sides. In the red-squirrel stronghold of Thackthwaithe, two former southerners were drafted into the service of their native rodents and were summarily sicced upon by the local police.

In tongue-in-cheek response to a news story claiming that southerners were releasing grey squirrels into the local woods, Mr. Colin Harrow, 64, and his wife Jenny, 59, posted a mock advertisement in their local newspaper. In it they wrote that they had recently returned from a vacation and were in possession of a crate full of grey squirrels which they would be happy to distribute to “homesick former Southerners.”

In a move that shows exactly how high the crime rate of the village must be, the police immediately zeroed in on the possible threat to their beloved fluffikins and confronted the couple at their home. The idea of squirrels being kept in crates had so upset members of the community that the Harrows had been reported for squirrel abuse. Thankfully the eager public servants were talked down and agreed to not press charges.

Mr. Harrow has been quoted as saying, "It would be laughable if it were not so sad. How do these people think we got hold of the grey squirrels in the first place - run around with a pocketful of peanuts and a lasso?” This is, of course, insane. Everybody knows you catch squirrels with Cheetos and a monkey wrench. Duh.

Viking Goddess out.

(1)Original story here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=447611&in_page_id=1770


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